Thursday, 5 February 2015

Top Ten Worst Teen Couples

So, with Valentine's Day fast approaching, I thought it would be fun to share a list of my favourite and least favourite teen couples, starting with the worst. I'm going to stress that I have not gone out in search of general consensus and opinions on this matter, this list is purely my tastes and opinions. I cannot speak for everyone's nostalgic teen experiences with couples they looked up to, only mine. I find it's more interesting to learn how other people viewed things rather than just reading the standard doting praise on the usual top couples.

I'm also going to warn you all ahead of time that this list will piss a lot of people off because I have some people's favourite couples, some very popular favourite couples on this list, but I remind you again that this is simply a list of my personal least favourites and I will explain why. Also:

Please?


If you have a differing opinion, which I'm sure a lot of people will, please do feel free to share it and explain why they are your favourite or maybe even offer a few of your least favourites on here. I love hearing different opinions, all I ask is that you do it respectfully and that no one name calls or gets personal. Though the people that do comment are super cool so I probably don't have to worry. With all this in mind I present to you first, my Top Ten Worst Teen Couples:

10. Harvey and Sabrina - Sabrina the Teenage Witch
They certainly do look cute together though

Now this one actually surprised me. I was all set to put them on my Top Ten Best list based on pure nostalgia alone. They were going to be low on that list because they were never my extremely favourite, I just remember swooning over them when I watched the show way back on ABC's TGIF and remembered wanting them to get together. Then I got the urge to do a re-watch of the series and....they did not hold up for me. Their will they won't they was very sloppily done. There were episodes where it seemed like they were dating anyway but then the next they were going on about how they couldn't tell each other they liked the other and you just wonder why it was so hard when they were basically dating anyway. Not to mention, I found Harvey to be such a non-character. He was basically just there to be "cute guy that likes Sabrina" and wasn't really a fully developed character in his own right. On top of that, when they did start dating, he really didn't stand up for Sabrina a lot. Her nemesis, Libby was continuously insulting her in front of Harvey and then Harvey would stupidly say how nice Libby was.

Duh...Libby's always nice to me

Or he wouldn't clue in that Libby obviously liked him and stand his ground that he was dating Sabrina. A person can't be stolen, they have to want to cheat to cheat but I completely believe that Harvey was stupid enough to just go with whatever girl gave him attention that week. To be fair, at about the third season, I think it was, he finally did take a stand with Libby and tell her off because he was dating Sabrina but it felt like too little too late. It was enough to keep them from being higher on this list but not enough to save them completely from the worst list. Especially since the show's worst offence was the fact that when they actually started to give him a personality, and make him seem interesting, they wrote him out of the show. Boo-urns Sabrina the Teenage Witch, boo-urns.

Minor, minor points for having them end up together, even if they only
brought Harvey back for like the last 10 seconds of the series finale. 


9. Nicole and Carlos - Crazy/Beautiful
Anyone remember this one? Anyone?

I'm the type of person that actually really does enjoy watching bad movies because I usually find them somewhat enjoyable at what they fail to do or because there is a performance that is funny. The one thing I find unforgivable in a bad movie is being utterly and completely boring. That was this movie. The characters were completely uninteresting to me, and absolutely lacked energy and chemistry. Not to mention the entire movie felt so fucking long. I swear I actually fell asleep for a bit in the movie and then woke up and was angered to find that it was still going. I might have only passed out for 10 seconds but it sure made the movie feel like it lasted an eternity. I don't know, I just did not care for the plot and I did not care if these two got together or not. I also remember next to nothing about the plot and I'm going to flat out admit that I refused to re-watch this one to even find out if my opinion was still the same or not. From what I remember, it was your basic straight laced guy meets a manic pixie dream girl who shows him how to live and have fun (and also fucks up his life a bit but who cares because lurve! Amirite?). Boring, boring, boring and did I mention boring? Because that's really all I've got to say about this couple. They are saved from being higher on this list simply for being forgettable (themselves and the movie, not my experience at being completely, mind-numbingly bored). Next.

8. Liz and Max - Roswell
Horny yet?

This is not even close to the most unpopular opinion on this list but I'm sure it's up there. I enjoy Roswell and I like the characters Liz and Max, in theory. They are definitely more engaging than say Bella and Edward but they still fall into the category of being almost too in love with their love and angst. I find couples that are just so in love with themselves to be kind of annoying and while Liz and Max are not even close to the worst offenders on this list, they still have their moments. I also felt like sometimes they were a bit hypocritical. For instance, they were completely attracted to each other and for a while, thought they were being oh so noble by staying apart because of some unknown danger or whatever and that was fine for them to choose that. Where they lost me was the minute they started criticizing Michael and Maria for getting together while they themselves were kind of getting together. No, sorry, no but I dislike couples that judge other people for doing exactly what they themselves do because it's only special when they do it. Not cool. So, I feel they earned their spot on this list for being self-involved and full of themselves. Sorry, Max and Liz fans.

7) Xander and Cordelia - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

I'm in the, I'm learning, small minority that actually likes Xander...most of the time. I also like Cordelia. I absolutely did not like these two together. While I do get the appeal of the hate/love trope and it can work in some instances, I just felt that these two were a little too much on the hate side for me to buy them actually wanting to be together, especially Xander. I'm not going to say they were completely awful together, they had their moments it's just that their bad moments were pretty mean spirited. One example of this would be in the episode Bad Eggs in a scene where the two are making out in a closet:

Xander: You know what? This would work a lot better for me if you didn't talk.
Cordelia: Well, it'd work a lot better for me with the lights off.

I don't know, maybe some people found them on equal footing, maybe they enjoyed their banter, or maybe they just ignored it and found their jabs funny without caring about the relationship part. I happened to find the lines like the ones above just a little harsh and made me uncomfortable. They get some better scenes and better development where they both soften a bit, especially after it is exposed that they are dating but I still couldn't quite shake the meanness these two slung at each other in earlier episodes especially the stuff Xander was slinging her way. I believe at one point he told her that he needed her help but that she had to put on something trashy...er. What the hell? If a guy I liked insinuated that he thought I dressed trashy he would have gotten his ass kicked to the curb. Some of their banter was fun and some of their moments cute, but their meanness just kind of left a bad taste in my mouth. I just expect a little better out of this show, which I adore.

Yes, please stay away from her
(image from Fanpop)


Dishonourable mention: Willow and Xander

These two didn't last long but man was it uncomfortable when they were together. I just didn't like them together, it seemed awkward and forced and worst offence of all, it happened at the expense of hurting Willow's relationship with Oz. You don't mess with Oz.

Great friends just no on the romantic side for me

Now to continue with the list:

6) Laney and Zack - She's All That
Only likes her when she changes for him

When I first watched the movie, I actually enjoyed it and when I watch it now, I still enjoy it if just to laugh at its silliness and my own silliness for swooning for it. That being said, I actually really don't like these two. Cinderella stories are all the rage, I know but I'm kind of in Joey's camp (see Dawson's Creek - Beauty Contest episode) on this and that's "if you couldn't see my worth until I put on makeup and a fancy dress, I kind of don't think you see my worth at all" Laney was a pretty girl, maybe not jaw droopingly gorgeous but she was not the hideous monster that the movie and let's face it, even Zack, tried to make her out to be.

So, strike one Zack writes her off because she doesn't wear heels and wears her hair a way that he deems awful. Strike two, he pressures her into wearing contacts when she clearly tells him that they irritate her (the movie kind of forgets this as she never goes back to wearing her glasses anyway) but still, in his eyes, she wasn't good enough for him because she was born with bad eyesight, a thing that she can't control, (and as a glasses wearer, seriously fuck you, Zack). Strike three, he kind of tries to make his friend out to be the villain just because he told Laney about their bet but Zack is actually worse because he's the one that came up with the idea for the bet in the first place and he mocked her behind her back too. He was no angel.

I was honestly kind of happy that she decided to go to the dance with Paul Walker's character, Dean, instead of Zack. Yeah, he was bragging about getting to have sex with her but I didn't get the impression that he was going to rape her or anything. So ultimately, it was her choice. She could refuse to go to the hotel room he got or she could choose to have sex with him. I disliked that Zack turned it into this "I have to save her virtue" thing because he thought she'd be "tricked" into it. It was especially hypocritical of him as he also tricked Laney. So yeah, I didn't really buy these two together or why Laney would ever forgive him and still want to be with him. The story just doesn't work as a romance where the leads end up together, Pygmalion had it right.

And now...the Top Five Worst Couples are...

5) Ryan and Marissa - The O.C.
They were pretty together...pretty awful

Oh my god, these two are awful! I adored this show when it first aired, I loved how over the top and cheesy it was and I actually somewhat liked Ryan and Marissa's tumultuous love affair at first. I think that was mainly due to Ryan and me just wanting to see him succeed because of his back story (not really for any character or emotion Ryan shows because Ben Mckenzie is just...kind of Kristen Stewart-y in that regard). The next time I watched it, I just couldn't understand what the heck Ryan saw in Marissa other than she was pretty. She is whiny, selfish, annoying, stupid, basic, and did I mention selfish yet? Because yeah, she totally is. I think I loathed her from the moment they got back from Tijuana and she jeopardized his future by begging him to skip out on his entrance exam to get into a prestigious school. Ryan was smart, he finally had a chance at bettering his life as he was coming from the slums and a criminal past but no Marissa and her whiny pants was sad because her mother was being mean to her so he absolutely had to drop everything that second to come and help her. Yeah, no. She's awful. She also blatantly ignored Oliver being a dick to Ryan and just out and out being psycho because she's too stupid to live. I just, I got to a point where I just didn't ever want these two to get back together ever again.


The show apparently agreed with me and killed her off


4) Cory and Topanga - Boy Meets World
He looked like Screech. Why did she like him?

I wasn't ever really as enamoured with this show as everyone else was but I did watch it and got mild amusement from it. At first, I was pretty sold on Cory and Topanga getting together and I enjoyed watching but then the show started to pretend as if they were soulmates and while I don't mind the concept of soulmates, I think I've made it quite clear that I absolutely loathe being told that two characters are soulmates. Especially when it's just shorthand for "we're too lazy to develop this relationship into something believable so we're going to throw a big word at you and pretend like that explains why they belong together" and then never show us why they are soulmates. I then got even more nauseated by this couple when the show decided it would rewrite history and tell us that they had been going out since they were 3. Fucking 3!! How disturbed is that? I mean, firstly, it was quite clear in the first season that Cory and Topanga were not together and that he thought she was freaking weird and wanted really nothing to do with her. This only changed when they moved into junior high and he decided that she got hot. So, the writers were insulting my intelligence and memory at that point but secondly, it is just really weird to tell us that two 3 year olds knew about romance and wanted to be together forever. I don't know, I just don't find things like that cute or endearing and it certainly didn't sell me on them being soulmates for life. Just no.

Seriously, she was weird and he didn't like her.
Does no one remember this?


3) Bella and Edward - Twilight (and its sequels)
My god...your breath stinks!

I tried to keep this list mostly to things that I had watched when I was a teen but I just couldn't, in good conscience, leave these two off my worst of list. They are geared towards teens so I think they absolutely belong here and to be fair, I would have loathed them just as much when I was a teen as you will find out later on.

You've all heard the criticisms of this series ad nauseam by now but, let me assure you, they are all completely legit. We have a girl who is just the most depressing thing ever, who decides that she'd rather be young and pretty forever than be with any of her family or friends, decides that no one is good enough to hang out with once she meets Edward, and who plays two guys against each other. She's awful. Then there's Edward himself, who is attracted to Bella because she smells delicious to him. Her blood is his drug, as he himself even tells Bella numerous times. So, his attraction is born out of the fact that he wants to kill and eat Bella. Ok.... Not only this, he breaks into her house at night to watch her sleep and this is before he's actually talked to her or really befriended her which just ups the creep factor as if it wasn't already maxed out before. Then when they are in a relationship, he pretty much tries to control her every move under the guise of needing to keep her "protected". I could go on and on about how wrong these two are for each other, how selfish they both are and worst, what horrible role models they are for young and impressionable girls. They are terrible characters in a terrible story and I'm glad that Twilight's popularity has died off.

"I only like you because you smell good"
"Yeah, well I only like you because you're hot and you can make me young forever"


Ok, here's where I start to get a bit unpopular but to people who have been reading my blog for a while now, this next one shouldn't come as a shock.

2) Dawson and Joey - Dawson's Creek
These two should stay far away from each other

Come on, you knew they would be on here. I think I've covered extremely clearly in my recaps why I dislike this couple but I'll try to sum up my feelings here. Basically, these two characters are awful together. They are a classic case of the writers being lazy and just throwing the word "soulmate" at the audience to let us know that no matter how much they fight, they are still meant to be together but then they fail to give us a reason or show us why they should be together and instead just illustrate the many reasons they shouldn't be together.

My biggest gripe with this couple is how obvious it is that they can't last, their independent characterizations make it impossible for them to be together. Joey wants to get out of Capeside and explore the world, she's adventurous, she's excited at new possibilities and she's driven even if she's not quite sure what she wants to do with her life. Dawson wants to make movies and has a clear goal to get to Hollywood and become a filmmaker but at the same time, is way more comfortable being safe. There was that episode where they visited a college and I think the scene where they talk at the end pretty perfectly sums up why they are wrong for each other. While Dawson was frightened by the experience and felt better being at home, Joey felt awakened and excited.

Joey longs for adventure and to get out of Capeside, Dawson longs to make movies. You could argue that Hollywood is "out of Capeside" but I just doubt that the Joey Potter we got to know would be happy living amongst the "plastic" elite of Hollywood as Dawson's doting stay at home wife. Even if she found a job there, the vibe just wouldn't be Joey and Dawson would be away for long hours every day or hell for months in different locations depending on the shoot. I just don't think Joey would be happy with a life like that. Now this is me predicting their characters' future but even on the show when they were together, they didn't mesh for me.

For one, Joey gave up a paid semester to France for Dawson, that means she gave up a very important part of herself to stay with him and the minute you give up who you are to be with someone, that spells trouble for the relationship. Of course, I was right because pretty much every episode that chronicled their relationship from that point on had them fighting. Then the hilarious thing is that they both become better characters and better friends to others when they are not dating. Why should I buy that they are destined to be together again? Because when they are together, they fight all the time and ignore their friends? Sorry, I'm not buying this soulmate thing you're selling, writers.

Sobbing is not going to change my mind, Dawson

Ok, here's where I get really unpopular. I just want to remind everyone that this is my opinion only and you are absolutely free to disagree with it. Let's just all remember to be civil. Ok, so my pick for the number one Worst Teen Couple is....

1) Buffy and Angel - Buffy the Vampire Slayer
This one is going to get me killed, I know it

Yes, you read that right. Yes, I watched this show religiously when it first aired, season 1 right through to the end and I still love it to this day. Yes, I am telling the truth. No, I am not a Buffy/Spike shipper either but this is worst teen couple which is why I went with her teen years when deciding.

So, why do I hate this couple? Well, for starters, I just thought they were boring and Angel was just not appealing to me. Secondly, I watched this show because I loved the concept. I loved that there was this young girl who could kick monsters' butts. She was the hero, not the guy as was usually the case back then. I loved the horror elements, the action, the funny dialogue, the only thing I just wasn't that into with it were the romantic relationships. That just wasn't me and where I was the one who was gushing about how cool the monsters were or how awesome Buffy was at defeating them, everyone else was gushing over the most boring aspect of the show to me, Buffy and Angel. So, my disinterest just kind of grew to bitter resentment from there.

Also, he's a vampire and he's conditioned to kill. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got a soul but for cripes sake, he killed a hell of a lot of people before that soul existed and fucking enjoyed it. I just don't buy the soul/no soul excuse as if he's a different person with or without one because you know what? Liam was a pretty horrible person too. I actually might have swallowed the soul/no soul thing better had he been shown to be a good guy before but that the demon soul took over and made him evil but, it didn't look that way to me at all. All I saw was an asshole guy given the gift of immortality and falling in love with the killing aspect so much that he enjoyed tormenting and torturing his victims before killing or turning them. I just....I couldn't be in love with someone who committed the atrocities that Angel did. Not to mention that the tragedy of their relationship was that they couldn't be together because if Angel experiences "true happiness" he will turn evil. Que? He was with Buffy a hell of a lot before and kissed her a lot...are you telling me that he is only happy with Buffy when he fucks her? Hot. Just being with Buffy doesn't make him happy, only sex does and that kind of always felt icky to me. Plus, I just always found it creepy that he was a 27 year old who was hanging around a sixteen year old girl and then making out with her, let alone a centuries old vampire. He was a creeper.

I probably wasn't supposed to cheer at this part, huh?
#sorrynotsorry

I don't get and have never gotten the appeal of vampires. Ok, I sort of got the appeal with Jerry Dandridge who was oddly arousing in Fright Night but I still wanted to see him defeated in the end. So, I do like them but I find them infinitely more appealing as villains. I mean, what future do you possibly have with a vampire? Nothing because either you grow old and die while they live or they kill you when you're still young and naive so that when you finally wake up and realize that you might not want to be undead and outlive all of your loved ones and have to drink blood and not experience the joys of food anymore, and possibly realize that perhaps, you do want children well, you're screwed. Actually, you're dead and there's no undoing that. The other option is that you stay together until you do grow and realize that you want more out of a relationship than staying out all night all the time and you break up with them. Ironically it was this thought that lead to me reading Twilight because someone told me that it explored those questions more deeply. Spoiler alert, it did not and I was pissed at that person for convincing me to read the first two books in that series before I rage quit.

Mayor: Yeah, and that's just one of the things you're going to have to deal with. You're immortal, she's not. It's not. I married my Edna May in ought-three and I was with her right until the end. Not a pretty picture. Wrinkled and senile and cursing me for my youth. Wasn't our happiest time. And let's not forget the fact that any moment of true happiness will turn you evil. I mean, come on. What kind of a life can you offer her? I don't see a lot of Sunday picnics in the offing. I see skulking in the shadows, hiding from the sun. She's a blossoming young girl and you want to keep her from the life she should have until it has passed her by. My God! I think that's a little selfish.
I may or may not have cheered for the Mayor when he made that speech too. Crazy or not, the dude was on point and I couldn't agree with him more. Buffy and Angel were doomed to failure. She may love him but they just weren't meant to be, in my opinion.

On top of these reasons, even if I buy into Angel being super good and not the same as Angelus at all or really the same as Liam, even still, I do not like them as a couple. This is my biggest reason. I love Buffy so much, she was a huge part of my teen years. I looked up to her and wanted to be her so much that I took karate lessons and actually earned my black belt (which is probably useless now that I've been out of training for over a decade...God, I'm old). The thing I admired about her was that she could handle things, she was the one who saved people, the world. Yet, when she and Angel got together she became just a bit less independent and a little more dependent on Angel to be there for her or sometimes even save her (she was worse for this with Spike which is why I hate her with Spike probably more than I do with Angel but again, teen couple). I hated that. I hated that she acted like she couldn't defend herself when he was around. She was the motherfucking slayer, she could handle her shit. They were also kind of mushy gushy and melodramatic about their love too. As evidenced in the episode Reptile Boy:

Buffy: When you kiss me, I wanna die!
I despise that line. It sounds like something that is more in place in Twilight than the smartly written Buffy but most of all I hate it because it felt like she was saying that she wants to give up being the slayer just to be with him and be a vampire and fuck that noise. I'm not behind this unhealthy attachment to a person thing where you'd give up everything you have in your life to be with them, everything that makes you, you. That's bullshit, it's weak, and it wasn't what I wanted to hear from Buffy. Anytime their scenes came on and they were discussing their relationship and whether or not they could do it, I basically felt like Xander in The Zeppo.

Yeah, can we not come back to that later? 
Because I'm not interested. #heartless

Well, that's my Top Ten Worst Teen Couples list. Who are your least favourite teen couples? Feel free to share and discuss. Stay tuned for the special Valentine's Day post that lists my personal Top Ten Best Teen Couples...unless I can't out run those nice people running towards me with torches and pitchforks.

Gotta go!

2 comments:

  1. I'm inclined to agree on Buffy and Angel. I never really had any fucks to give about their relationship, although I understand how people did. But I'm not sure it would trump Dawson and Joey as my number 1 pick. NOTHING can trump my hatred for Dawson Leery. Well. Almost nothing...

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    1. I debated that decision long and hard (that's what she said) before coming to the conclusion that since I loved Buffy as a show better than Dawson's Creek and I love Buffy way more than Dawsonor Joey, it disappointed me more that she had a lacklustre love interest. So, since it disappointed me more that a good show had a bad main relationship, it won my number one spot.

      If I made a list of worst teen characters, Dawson would be number one with a bullet. And two...and three. Dawson would be my entire list. :-/

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